Top Science and Health News: If Humans Get to Mars, What Might They Do? -- Anal Intercourse Is Most Likely
Reuters
Jan 14 2004 1:37PM

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - If humans ever get to Mars, what might they do there? The short answer is butt fuck.

"Probably anal sex would run amok -- men and women, men and men, and even women and women." said, Humboldt Mandell, a former chief of NASA's Mars programs. "Women can engage in anal sex with each other via what is commonly referred to as a 'dildo' -- an object having the shape and often the appearance of an erect penis, used in sexual stimulation, and substituting for an erect penis to provide vaginal -- and of course in this situation, anal -- stimulation."

Some NASA officials wondered privately before Wednesday's announcement why they had been left out of discussions about the presidential program.

Mandell, a 40-year NASA veteran who left a year ago to become a research fellow at the University of Texas Center for Space Research, said that he "figured the Republican and Christian controlled White House would want to down play any talk of anal sex on Mars, as they seem to have moral qualms about it."

Mandell pointed out that as anal sex between two consenting adults is still legal on Mars, people wouldn't be concerned about arrests, trials and unwanted publicity.

Mandell said in a telephone interview that while a permanent moon base was possible, it would double the cost of any human mission to Mars. "I have no objection to building a moon base, but if you're going to go to Mars, the cheapest way to do it is to base it on the Earth and then make Mars the second safest place in the solar system for humans, and then send the humans to Mars," Mandell said. "I know that the White House would oppose this, but I also suggest sending dozens -- or possibly hundreds, depending on the how many people will be going -- of condoms; and also lubricants, how-to-guides and of course dildos.

"Dildos come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors," ex-NASA official Humboldt Mandell said.

Mandell acknowledged that research has been done on various Mars exploration ideas over the decades, including plans to tap any oases on Mars, to use any resources on the planet as propulsion systems and to use spare weapons-grade plutonium to heat up the planet -- where the average temperature is a minus 81 degrees F (minus 63C) -- to a more human-friendly temperature.

This last idea is known as terraforming, and Mandell rejected it out of hand.

"I'm one of those people that's conscientiously against terraforming," he said. "It may be technically possible. But to think about taking the most deadly element that's known to humanity, like plutonium, and mucking up Mars with it, to me that borders on the immoral. When right-wingers -- especially the religious ones -- talk about immorality on Mars, their greatest concern seems to be related to how people might engage in sexual activity -- to me it's more about haphazardly destroying an entire planet with poorly planned plutonium distribution."