The Emmy Noms And What I Think About Them (A Parable For Life):

What follows is extremely opinionated, swim at own risk:

Last week, in Los Angeles, the following list of major-category nominees for the 54th annual Primetime Emmy Awards were announced.

DRAMA SERIES
Quality:
"Law & Order" (NBC)
"Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Didn't See:
"24" (Fox)
Crap:
"The West Wing" (NBC)
"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (CBS)

COMEDY SERIES
Quality:
"Curb Your Enthusiasm" (HBO)
"Friends" (NBC)
"Will & Grace" (NBC)
Ted Says Is Overrated, But He Is Admittedly Not A Woman, And All Of Ted's Female Friends Love This Show:
"Sex and the City" (HBO)
Lame:
"Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Good:
Michael C. Hall, "Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Peter Krause, "Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Didn't See, Ads Look Silly:
Michael Chiklis, "The Shield" (FX)
Lame; Pretentious:
Martin Sheen, "The West Wing" (NBC)

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Great:
Frances Conroy, "Six Feet Under" (CBS)
Rachel Griffiths, "Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Lame!:
Amy Brenneman, "Judging Amy" (CBS)
Allison Janney, "The West Wing" (NBC) -- good actress, unfortunately finally recognized for her work in a phony and bullshit series
Didn't See, But Doubtful:
Jennifer Garner, "Alias" (ABC)

LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Good:
Matt LeBlanc, "Friends" (NBC)
Matthew Perry, "Friends" (NBC) (LeBlanc's been better lately though)
Bland:
Kelsey Grammer, "Frasier" (NBC)
Didn't See:
Bernie Mac, "The Bernie Mac Show" (Fox)
Lame, "Family Oriented" Pablum:
Ray Romano, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Great and Wonderful:
Jennifer Aniston, "Friends" (NBC)
Good:
Debra Messing, "Will & Grace" (NBC)
Lame, "Family Oriented" Pablum:
Patricia Heaton, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)
Haven't Seen, But Doubtful:
Jane Kaczmarek, "Malcolm in the Middle" (Fox)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Haven't Seen:
Victor Garber, "Alias" (ABC)
Good:
Freddy Rodriguez, "Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Lame; Pretentious (Wholly Shit; Holy Shit -- 4 nominees! Please God Let The Rodriguez Kid Get It):
Dule Hill, "The West Wing" (NBC)
John Spencer, "The West Wing" (NBC)
Bradley Whitford, "The West Wing" (NBC)
Richard Schiff, "The West Wing" (NBC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Outstanding!:
Lauren Ambrose, "Six Feet Under" (HBO)
Are You Kidding Me?:
Tyne Daly, "Judging Amy" (CBS)
Lame; Pretentious; More Shocking BS (I'd Rather Daly Get It):
Mary-Louise Parker, "The West Wing" (NBC)
Stockard Channing, "The West Wing" (NBC)
Janel Moloney, "The West Wing" (NBC)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Quite Good:
Sean Hayes, "Will & Grace" (NBC)
He's Good, But Am Tired Of The Existence Of This Show:
David Hyde Pierce, "Frasier" (NBC)
Haven't Seen:
Bryan Cranston, "Malcolm in the Middle" (Fox)
Lame, "Family Oriented" Pablum:
Peter Boyle, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)
Brad Garrett, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
The Best Thing About This Show, And This Is A Pretty Good Show:
Megan Mullally, "Will & Grace" (NBC)
Equally Great:
Wendie Malick, "Just Shoot Me" (NBC)
Best Thing About This Show:
Kim Cattrall, "Sex and the City" (HBO)
She's Nice Old Lady/Veteran, But The Show Is Still Pointless:
Doris Roberts, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS)
Neither Here Nor There:
Cynthia Nixon, "Sex and the City" (HBO)

BEST MINISERIES
Similar To Having A Category Called Best Piece Of Shit Your Dog Crapped Out This Week:
"Band of Brothers" (HBO)
"Dinotopia" (ABC)
"The Mists of Avalon" (TNT)
"Shackleton" (A&E)

BEST MADE-FOR-TELEVISION MOVIE
Similar To Having A Category Called Best Puddle of Vomit Your Dog Puked Out Of His Last Five Vomits, Oh Wait, Was Gathering Storm The One About Churchill? It Wasn't Bad, But Still Pretty Unimportant:
"Dinner With Friends" (HBO)
"The Gathering Storm" (HBO)
"James Dean" (TNT)
"The Laramie Project" (HBO)
"Path to War" (HBO)

BEST VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SERIES
Some People Trying To Be Young And Hip Say This Is Awesome, But It Isn't, But As Far As Late Night Talk Shows, It's As Good As Any:
"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central)
So Much Better Than Leno It's Unbelievable, But Such A Pale Shadow Of The Brilliance of His 1980s Series, That It Is Quite Sad:
"Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)
Someone Made Someone King Of The World's Intellect And Thinks He's The Best And Said Something Stupid And Then Blamed Everyone Else And Cried Like A Baby:
"Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher" (ABC)
This Show Was Never Really Good, But It's Had Ups And Downs And Was Nearly As Good Last Season As Ever Before, Not Terrible, Just Not Really Daring Or Fresh Or Original, But What Is?:
"Saturday Night Live" (NBC)
What Is Wrong With America, What Is Wrong With TV, What Is Wrong With The Entertainment Industry:
"The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" (NBC)

BEST VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SPECIAL
It's Okay, I Tune In To See What Wins, Not For The Show Itself, Which Is What This Is For, The Show's Always The Same, Over-Produced And Dull, And The People Who Make It Are Very Very Defensive About It:
"The 74th Annual Academy Awards"(ABC)
Nice Try, But Laughably Stupid, Pretentious And Fatally Dull:
"America: A Tribute to Heroes"
I've Never Thought Carol Burnett Was Funny:
"The Carol Burnett Show 'Show Stoppers"' (CBS)
Would Never Watch Such A Thing:
"Cirque du Soleil's Alegria" (Bravo)
"VH1" Tells Me I'm Not Going To Watch It, "Concert" Tells Me I'm Not Going To Watch It, The Somberness And Seriousness Of The Term "for New York" Tells Me I'm Not Going To Watch This; Didn't Watch It:
"Concert for New York City" (VH1)
Extremely Dull Television If You Ask Me:
"Opening Ceremony, 2002 Olympic Winter Games" (NBC)

LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Right, Yeah I Think I Saw This And He Was Good, And He Is A Very Good Actor:
Albert Finney, "The Gathering Storm" (HBO)
Come On:
James Franco, "James Dean" (TNT)
Always Good, But I Didn't See This, Unless I Saw This And Didn't See Gathering Storm, But I Think I Saw Gathering Storm And Not This:
Michael Gambon, "Path to War" (HBO)
I Saw A Real Documentary On This In The Theater Which Was Pretty Good And Didn't See This But Saw The Ads For It A Lot During Commercial Breaks Of Law & Order Reruns And Thought It Looked Lame Especially Because Of Branagh:
Kenneth Branagh, "Shackleton" (A&E)
Beau Bridges Has Done Some Good Work In His Career, But A Chubby, Bloated Character Actor Approaching Middle Age Who Has To Take a Made For Lifetime (!) TV Movie, I Mean Come On:
Beau Bridges, "We Were the Mulvaneys" (Lifetime)

LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Right, Always Good, See Above Under "Finney":
Vanessa Redgrave, "The Gathering Storm" (HBO)
She's Good, But Doesn't "The Rosa Parks Story" and "CBS" and "LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE" Tell You How Lame This Must Have Been?
Angela Bassett, "The Rosa Parks Story" (CBS)
I Really Like Blythe Danner, But See What I Wrote About Beau Bridges Above Except Blythe Looks Great For Her Age And Is Not Chubby And Bloated:
Blythe Danner, "We Were the Mulvaneys" (Lifetime)
I Really Like Laura Linney, And, I Think Thankfully, I Have Never Heard Of This, So Don't Have To Be Sad About It, Because Linney Was So Great In The Wonderful Film You Can Count On Me:
Laura Linney, "Wild Iris" (Showtime)
Pretty Much Same As Above, Except That This Is A Better Gig For Rowlands, An Aged Star Getting A Lead In A Showtime Movie, Than For Linney Who Can Get Leads In Real Movies, But Showtime Is A Lot Better Than Say Lifetime Or CBS:
Gena Rowlands, "Wild Iris" (Showtime)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Always Good. See The Above Melee Regarding This Film and The Other One:
Jim Broadbent, "The Gathering Storm" (HBO)
Michael Moriarty Can Be Overly Emotional, But He Can Also Be Good, But A Made For TNT Biopic Of James Dean Is Such A Bad Idea It Can't Really Be Anygood:
Michael Moriarty, "James Dean" (TNT)
I Hate Alec Baldwin. He's Been Effectively Used At Least Once -- In State And Main -- But HE Still Sucks -- For Several Reasons; Won't Get Into Them Here; See What I Wrote Under Broadbent:
Alec Baldwin, "Path to War" (HBO)
Cheadle Rules, And I Heard This Was Good, Almost Got A Studio Release, Stars Kim Dickens Who I Like:
Don Cheadle, "Things Behind the Sun" (Showtime)
This Just Sounds Self Important Doesn't It? Voight, Uprising, NBC. I Just Don't Like The Sound Of It:
Jon Voight, "Uprising" (NBC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Whatever. It's Been Said:
Sissy Spacek, "Last Call" (Showtime)
See What I Wrote For Voight, Above:
Stockard Channing, "The Matthew Shepard Story" (NBC)
See What I Wrote For Angela Bassett:
Joan Allen, "The Mists of Avalon" (TNT)
See Above:
Anjelica Huston, "The Mists of Avalon" (TNT)
Diana Rigg Had The Power Once To Be Totally Rad (By Far The Coolest "Bond Girl" Ever In On Her Majesty's Secret Service And Just Wearing That All Leather One Piece Outfit In Old Promo Photos For The Avengers); But She's An Old Lady Now, Best Known For Hosting "Mystery!" On PBS; I Don't Know What This Is For Sure, But It Sounds Like Some British Tale Of Royalty In Love For A&E (A&E Are Always Suckers For Thinking That If They're All Dressed Up For The Ball And Speaking With British Accents It's Quality):
Diana Rigg, "Victoria and Albert" (A&E)

On the Net: http://www.emmys.com