A Christmas Carol
by Dick Dickens III

Once upon a time in an old village it was Xmas time. It was in England. There were many people speaking with British accents, and lots of poor starving kids running around asking for more porridge.

Everybody had bad teeth.

There was this old miser guy named Scrooge. Everybody hated Scrooge because he had money and they didn't. Scrooge hated everybody, because everybody hated him. Scrooge was cold and distant. Scrooge thought about his old business partner Jake Marley. Then Scrooge saw Marley's ghost. Then Scrooge said, "Nahhh, it wasn't Marley it was a piece of undigested corn I saw."

But then three more ghosts came that night to Scrooge in bed. Once Scrooge had loved a girl named Fanny, but she stopped loving him, because he stopped loving her and only loved money. Gold pieces and whatnot. Scrooge's boss was named Fezziwig, and Fezziwig was nice, but then the big corporations pushed him out and Scrooge went along with it. Fezziwig committed suicide, and Scrooge did not care.

A guy who works for Scrooge has a little boy who has to walk on crutches, the crutches will eventually lead to the boy's early death unless Scrooge gives him money. Plus Scrooge would die soon too, and everyone would laugh and Scrooge's maid would sell his old sheets and make fun of him.

When Scrooge woke up he threw quarters down from his window to a kid. He told the kid to buy the biggest turkey in the butcher's shop. "The one as big as me?" the kid wanted to know. "Yes," said Scrooge. "And kid, you can keep the change!" Scrooge said.

Then Scrooge went to his nephew's house for dinner. At first everybody was sort of put off, because they all knew Scrooge was a real scrooge. But then Scrooge apologized and danced and had mincemeat pie and ale.

Then Scrooge gave his employee a raise, and the employee was astonished, and Scrooge started laughing and said, "from now on you're my partner!" And then Scrooge paid for the best medical attention in the world to his employee's son, Tim. But Tim still died of syphilis at the age of 17.